A Tale of Two Mothers

This is Mother's Day Weekend at my house.  My family is already celebrating me as a mom.  I have received a new lounger for the pool, a bouquet of flowers, cards and a popcorn popper.  They have also given me the opportunity to attend my first ever 'silent retreat.'  I'm at a convent in Nashville with 12 other women.  We are spending 24 hours nurturing our soul in quiet along with 3 classes of (optional) holy yoga. 

Being the planner that I am, I spent much of the day yesterday thinking about what I would 'do' at this retreat.  I had thought about bringing a scrapbook that I have been working on for more than 5 years.  It is a photo journal of my married life.  My goal is for it to be up to date by my 40th wedding anniversary.  I have 10 months to complete it if I'm going to reach my goal.  

I also wanted to complete setting up a prayer journal that my sister had given me 2 years ago for my birthday.  To help with this, I decided to take down my 'War Room' closet.  I liked the idea when I saw the movie and it did help me organize my prayers and visually see who and what I was praying for; but that set up wasn't for me.  I took down all the pictures and prayer cards and put them in an envelope.  I'm going to put them in my prayer journal.  (maybe while I'm here, maybe when I return home)

While thinking about that little project, I decided that I would bring my journals to the retreat.  I'm not a person who writes daily in a journal but over the course of my married life, I have journaled off and on.  I went to a bookshelf and picked up 5 journals and put them in my bag.  

This morning I have been reading through the first one.  I started it in 1986.  As I read through the pages, I began thinking about where our family has been and how God has protected and provided for us.  Between 1986 and 1998, we had moved 8 times and served in 6 different churches.  Much of my journal was about praying for God's guiding and the disciplining of my children.

In 1998, my life changed and I was thrust back into a role

I thought was ending.  I become a mom again at 42.  Today that child is 18 years old and about to enter his senior year of high school.  He has been reared by a mom that has been scattered.  She has helped her husband plant 2 churches, spent 10 years taking care of aging parents as well as becoming a mother-in-law and grandmother to 5 grandchildren.  During this time, a young life was growing up right under her nose.  This child has not had the undivided attention of his mom but has had to share her with so many others who were clamoring for her attention.  This mom tried to be everything to everyone and in doing so has squandered many years that could have been used to disciple and nurture this young soul.  

There are tears in my eyes as I think about the 2 moms that have reared my children.  One mom was very intentional about teaching her children the books of the Bible, as well as memorizing scripture and guarding their hearts.  She did not let them go 'trick or treating' or believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.  She always had Christian music playing in the car and even participated in a campaign called 'Turn off Your TV'  She and her family did that for one month.  Her children grew up, completed college, got jobs, spouses and children.   

The other mom found herself in her 40's with a toddler, aging parents and churches that needed constant care.  This mom has lived in survivor mode for over 15 years.  This mom has hardly had time to take care of herself spiritually much less disciple another child.  She is living with a lot of regret.  She loves this child and is so proud of the young man he is becoming.  She is regretting not giving him the tools he needs to succeed in this ever-changing world.  She did not spend enough time teaching him about God and his Word.  She let the short time he was at church be his main teaching.  She knew that she could not depend on the church to be the religious educator of her children but she allowed that to happen with this child.  She has asked God to forgive her and He has.

She continues to pray daily for this child.  He has struggled finding his place in his family, not to mention his place in his school and in the world.   Even though this has been a very difficult post for me to write, I know it was needed for me to put into words what has been in my heart.

I'm not sure where you are this Mother's Day weekend.  You may be struggling with infertility, death of a child by abortion, a prodigal, or just the everyday disappointments that come with being a mom. 

I am clinging to a verse that is so very special to me - It is Joel 2:25 - 'I wish restore to you the years the swarming locust have eaten.'  This is God's promise to me concerning all the failures and shortcomings I have as a mom.  God has promised to restore and I am resolved to be part of that restoration with the years I have left on this earth.   I am excited to see what lies ahead for this child and his aging mom!!